什么樣的批改才能真正意義上幫助大家提升雅思分數(shù)？

市面上大部分的批改其實都僅僅針對“語法”和“詞匯”兩項，并不是說這兩項在雅思寫作中不重要，而是這兩項只是評分標準中的一半，而對另一半的忽視很容易限制了考生的上限分數(shù)。

所以，我特意挑了一篇語法錯誤相對較少的文章進行批改，和大家仔細分享一下。

本次批改主要針對邏輯層面，所以個別語法細節(jié)只批改未講解。

Countriesare becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy thesame products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positiveor negative development?

學員作文：

黑色為原作文；紅色為批改內容

Since roughly one or two generations ago, today’s world has been gaining increasing similarity, which can be explained by that[… by the fact that …]products with [the]same brand and pattern are now available almost everywhere in the world. Although this phenomenon can bring about some merits, in my view, generally, it is still a negative trend. This essay will begin at [at] exploring the bright side of this, followed by the reasons [why]I regard it negative.

With the rapid process of globalization, it has been very easy for people to purchase oversea commodities and enjoy the benefits brought by them. Take China, my country, as an example. [,] In the past before 1980s, people can [could]only buy domestic products ranging from food to household appliances,which implies that there is little choice [there were limited choices]for citizens in terms of their daily necessities. However，avariety of products now are accessible to the social mass and consumers are capable of making their own decisions over whether to buy the [the] domestic commodities or the [the] exoticones, according to their preferences and disposable income. Some electronic products such as Iphone and I watch as well as some automobile brands including BMW and Mercedes are prevalent among quite a few countries and this fully manifests the rising similarity between [over] different regions of the world and simultaneously reflects people’s pursuit to high-quality lifestyle as well.

Despite its merits to people’s life, I think there are more dangerous engendered by this [drawbacks this trend gives rise to],which should not [be]overlooked. Too much [many] oversea goods flocking into a host country might lead to such a fact that the outsider [imports] one day perhaps [perhaps] will dominate the local market, which is what domestic manufacturers and enterprises are definitely unwilling to confront on all accounts.Also, the influx of exotic products always means a different foreign [a different foreign] culture’s infiltration which may cause the disadvantaged culture to die out eventually. To be precise, international obstructions being removed, foreign preponderant cultures come in and are most likely to come out on top in the competition against the native ones, thereby assimilating or even wiping out indigenous vulnerable cultures. This would do great harm to a nation’s cultural diversity, causing considerable loss of valuable civilized treasures.

While this tendency can contribute to people’s higher life quality, I still believe that it would be more [more]

risky in particular for the society as a whole in the long run.

總之，對于雅思作文的批改，不應該只針對語法和詞匯，對其邏輯，段落，論述思路等方面也應該是批改的主要范圍。

就本文而言，筆者最大的問題就是段落結構不熟悉。稍加調整，距離7分咫尺之遙。